Wednesday, February 16, 2011

BDSM and Domestic Discipline

I haven't learned what I know of BDSM or the Leather lifestyle from google. I know some people. and I've been in it for a minute. There are things I understand, viscerally, and things I only 'get' because it's been explained to me. And then of course there are areas in which I remain utterly clueless. Because I am not a man and that's just how it goes.

I ALSO know a few people who are in domestic discipline relationships. But here, I'm only getting things as they've been explained to me., because I have NO experience with dom disc relationships.

There's a wibbly line between the two, as I see it. The only traditional leather-type relationship to which I was privy was very much like a domestic discipline relationship. There was a similar exchange of power and trust. However, I KNOW there are arrangements out there that run the gamut. From non-sexual to only sexual and beyond.

I'm working on the sequel to my old domestic discipline books, "Goldilocks and His Three Bears" and "A Man, a Jersey and a Tight End" and I'm trying to examine the different ways these relationships evolve. I wondered how readers feel about the differences and similarities, if any between BDSM and DD.

4 comments:

  1. First of all I want to say a big 'YAY' that you're writing a sequel to your DD books. I love them and have re-read many times.

    One of the reasons I re-read these books is because I have a love/hate relationship with DD books. It's the same with Syd McGinley's Dr Fell books, or Fabian Black's books. As a liberal woman I look at these types relationships and it makes me feel a little squirmy, like there's something not quite right about it. I think it's the seeming total control that the Dom has over the sub, even though I'm also aware that actually the sub has a lot of control. I know I'm probably going to end up saying something hugely wrong or offensive here, but here goes: To me, the main difference between DD books and BDSM seems to be that BDSM relationships are 'normal' (as much as any relationship can be called normal, anyway) but the sex contains elements of bondage or D/s mostly confined to the bedroom, if you see what I mean, whereas in a DD relationship there's a need either to dominate or be submissive and that need is met in every aspect of the relationship. Also, from the DD books I have read, the sub finds it very difficult to cope on his own and needs someone else to take away some of the responsibility, make life simpler in terms of choices or smooth out those grey areas. Part of this is the discipline side where, for example, spanking becomes not just sexual play but a way to reinforce rules. Does that make sense?

    Anyway, having had zero experience of either a BDSM or DD relationship, then all these ideas have been gleaned from reading m/m books and who's to say that it is correct. It might all be complete fantasy. I actually find it encouraging that you know of people in a DD relationship because then at least I know these things do happen.

    One thing I didn't say is why I like these types of books - I find the whole power-play aspect of DD books fascinating and if a book is written well (as your books are) then I quickly become absorbed in this type of story.

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  3. Well, I'm shopping them around to get them back in print, and I always wanted a third in the series. That said, it's only a distraction as I've gotten stuck on a story point in the current book.

    Each 'brat' or 'sub' in my books has his thing. Scott likes bondage or specifically, he likes being restrained. Brian likes close intense things that make him feel closer to/owned by Paul.

    I haven't really gotten into the two new characters, but I did mention that Freddie had had a few very old school BDSM relationships. so that seemed to open the door to some issues between he and Joshua, who is just discovering the life and seems very fragile.

    He forces the dominant male to control him but that is not the same as wanting to a big bad Master to totally dominate him and yet I wonder if that isn't what he wants.

    So that made me start to wonder about the whole issue.

    I am squicked by the Master/Slave thing between men and women, so when writing these I wanted to make it clear that the 'boys' were really in more control that one would expect. That isn't necessarily the case in some relationships that I've seen.

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  4. Oh, good news that you're trying to get them back in print!!

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